I am really sick of being sick and tired. It feels like so much has happened with my health all at once, and to be honest it's really overwhelming. All this new stuff to learn about, to figure out how to cope with...and it's not like the other stuff goes away, it needs the same attention it has been getting, if not more.
It scares me that I have been admitted to the hospital twice recently, for multi-day stays. I don't like being in the hospital, but even more than hating being in the hospital I hate lugging around an oxygen tank every time I leave the house. Of all the medical related equipment I have had to deal with, the oxygen tank is the one I am most embarrassed by. I don't know why, it just is, I guess.
I think the thing that bugs me most is that I've been sick since I was 14 years old! Yeah, 14. I haven't gotten a single not sick day since then. I don't get to take a break from this, it's 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 21 years! That's a long time...and that number is just going to get bigger.
I also know that even though I want to quit and not play anymore...that won't happen. I will manage all the new sick along with the old sick because that's the only thing I know how to do. As much as I really would like to give up, I can't do it...I've tried. I know that's a good thing, but it's also a pain in the ass!